A new way to hurt
by fantasyfix
Summary: Lee Holloway is struggling to deal with her father's death. Can her husband E Edward Grey encourage her to confide in him rather than resort to self-mutilation. Based on the movie 'secretary.'


Lee Holloway from 'Secretary' is a character who I have most in common I think (asides from the affair with my boss!), so I decided to write a fic about her. Please tell me what you think x

o

Lee looked down at the lifeless form in front of her. He was silent. He was gone.

The doctors told her, her mother and her sister he had liver failure, brought on by his continuous alcohol abuse. He had tried to stop, but his addiction was too fierce. Now he had lost his fight and drawn his last breath.

Lee squinted her eyes and observed her father's face. He was dressed in white – an angel.

As Lee's mother and sister clung on to each other behind her, wailing hysterically, Lee slipped away. She was unable to release pain the way they could, so she ran; feeling incapable of handling the situation.

O

Lee took a brisk walk to her house, trying to keep her mind numb. There was a heavy feeling in her chest and throat that was almost choking her. She knew her husband would not be back from work yet, so she would be alone to do what she had to.

O

Of course Lee had long a go thrown out her sewing kit and band aids. She had not used a knife since one landed her in an institution. Instinctively since then, she had not wanted to use one again as it sparked off an undesirable memory.

She went to her kitchen and opened a draw. She marvelled at how neatly Edward organised everything and she searched through the utensils for the appropriate cutting tool. She picked up a corkscrew and tapped the end with her index finger. It appeared to be sharp enough to work.

She slowly closed the draw and crouched down on the floor, just in case the neighbours could see what she was doing through the window.

Lee held the point to her arm and closed her eyes. She thought of her dad and how he could not be saved. How she would never see him again. She deeply scraped across her arm to create pain on the outside in order to diminish the pain inside.

Lee cried out and immediately felt too firm hands on her shoulders.

'Lee!'

She opened her eyes and saw two big, intense, blue eyes gazing back at her.

Lee gasped and her heart began to thud. 'Edward! What are you doing back here?'

He yanked the corkscrew out of her hand and threw it across the room. He took hold of her shoulders once again and forced her to look at him.

'What did you tell me you would never do again?' He sneered, angry with her.

Lee's breathing got heavier. 'This is different. Something happened. Something big.'

Edward raised his voice. 'Nothing is big enough! You're going to kill yourself one day. Do you realise that?'

'Like daddy?' Lee sniffed.

Edward stared at her, confused.

Lee took a deep breath. 'He's dead. Liver failure. He'd been getting worse. I couldn't talk to you about it before out of fear I would relapse again.'

Lee looked over at the corkscrew helplessly. Edward followed her gaze and then looked back at her.

She continued. 'I hadn't seen him in ages and my mother told me he had given the alcohol up. I don't know why – probably so I could relax and enjoy my happiness with you. I'd never really experienced being happy before so I get why she'd do it. But I went to see him last week…his skin was this shade of yellow. He looked so ill. At one point he began to vomit blood. When I left that day, I just put it out of my mind. I went into denial…then I got a phone call this morning. My mother said he had collapsed and was being taken to the hospital. Apparently the doctors said he probably wouldn't make it. I just wanted to speak to him one last time…just to say goodbye…but I…I was too late…'

Edward pulled her into his arms and she let out a tired sob. He felt Lee shaking and gently rubbed her back, trying to soothe her.

'I don't know what to say, Lee. I don't think sorry will quite cut it.'

Edward continued to hold her in his arms and gently rocked her until her shakes began to slow.

'We've been married for almost a year and I'm still waiting for you to completely open up to me,' Edward gently whispered. 'You told me we would suffer together, yet still you keep your pain hidden inside. Please talk to me. Don't hurt yourself.'

Lee drew back from the hug and looked at her husband with helpless eyes. 'I feel so guilty.'

Edward calmly shook his head. Lee felt comforted by the kindness in his eyes. 'You have nothing to be guilty about.'

Edward wanted to begin a monologue about how nobody poured that rubbish down her father's throat except for himself, so Lee could not possibly look to feel guilty. He however knew this would not make his wife feel better, so he stayed quiet. In a way, he had always admired Lee's patience not to be so judgemental to her father. Had he been his, Edward would have told him straight a long time a go.

'Come on, Lee. Let's get off the kitchen floor. It isn't so comfortable for an aging guy like me.' Edward helped Lee up.

She managed half a smile. 'You're not aging. Twelve years isn't a massive age gap.'

'Well I'm feeling it now.' Edward picked the corkscrew up off the floor and put it back in the draw.

Edward looked Lee up and down to observe her fragile state. He took some kitchen towel and rinsed it under a cold tap. He gently wiped Lee's face with it to reduce the redness and tears. She revelled in the coolness of it.

'That's better.' He threw the paper towel directly into the swing-bin. 'I've got an idea. How about tonight we have a big dinner. Something your dad used to like? Then we'll toast his memory with a glass of champagne…hm, lemonade…'

Lee giggled at Edward's slip-up and he smiled at her back; relieved she saw the funny side.

Edward took her hands in his. 'Then you tell me everything you loved about him. All your childhood memories. Birthdays, vacations…the lot.'

'I love you Edward.'

'I love you.'

Edward drew her in for a deep kiss.


End file.
